her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Every concussion has its silver lining
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
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