In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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