so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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