Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
