were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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