So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
