omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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