I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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