dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
