my shit smells like andre
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have fence marks all over my body
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
