note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
