we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
This toilet bowl is my home.
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