Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
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