What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
