You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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