the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
