Someone shit on the floor
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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