he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
