I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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