There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
