So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
a search helicopter?!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
And then he peed in my hair
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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