So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Someone came in the potted fern
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
