if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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