we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
