We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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