Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
