my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
