no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i now understand why vodka
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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