i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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