Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Randomize
