I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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