when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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