epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
