I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
