I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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