You can't special order awesome
zippers are such a cool invention
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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