Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
