He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
