That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
