so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
