he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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