I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just found puke in my bra..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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