I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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