I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
