We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
