: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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