walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
