WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
