Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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