Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
