I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
