I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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