The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
