is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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